- Who & Why?
Just the other day I was on an airplane again. I fly all the time. On every flight I find myself caring too much about what the other passengers think of me. How do I do it? Well, it shows up in every aspect of my “being”- from what I eat and drink on the flight to what I read or write on the plane.
It’s just crazy, right? And don’t judge me- you know you do it, too. You just don’t want to admit it because you don’t want us to value you less.
Some times I think I spend more time thinking about this stuff than about myself and how I feel when I’m on the plane. And this is from someone who develops other peoples’ brands for a living. I’m fully self-aware and know the impact of us not setting our own self-worth and value.
Do you ever wonder why we all care so much about what others think about us?
It can’t be self-preservation. Frankly, all the energy I expend on making sure I look “good” to others on the plane is just exhausting. It does nothing to make me feel better to try so hard. If anything, it is “anti” self-preservation.
It also can’t be because I really care about what others think of me. I’m likely never going to see any of those people again once I step off the plane.
Yet, I fall for ego’s trick, too—even on airplanes with people I have never met and will never meet again.
So the real inquiry is why do we allow others to set our value for us? Why is it that we can’t have a high enough self-worth that it doesn’t really matter what others think of us?
Why do we allow others to set our self-worth and set our value?
The real reason is that we are so afraid to look deep inside because we may discover that we are loveable and great. If we look inside, we may find ourselves worthy of love- our own love and that of others. If we did, then what anyone else thinks of us would not matter- we would get to set our own value and worth. That’s very liberating, not to mention not so exhausting. That’s also an attractive brand.
What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:
- How often do you allow what others think of you to matter more than what you want to think of yourself? Be honest with yourself.
- Why do you do it?
- Where is one place in your life experience and activities that you could allow yourself to be “free” and set your own value/worth and brand?
- What if you just didn’t care what others thought of you- that includes your friends, family, colleagues and strangers? I guarantee you that you would be happier AND more productive. You would have a stronger sense of self, making you more attractive to others.
Was this helpful? If so, please share the blog and help others, too.
Got questions? Feel free to email me directly: katy (at) purispersonalbranding.com
My husband and I used to have this age-old argument regularly. Here’s how it went: there would be dishes in the sink. The fact that they were dirty and in the sink would bother me. So I would either: a) glare at my husband hoping he got the message and did the dishes or b) get upset because he wasn’t a mind reader and do the dishes myself.
This would of course lead to resentment on my end and upset on his end- he hadn’t done anything wrong, but had I? After all, if I wanted the dishes done at that very moment, then I should do it myself, right?
So for a while I chalked it up to anxiety. I thought I must have anxiety and insist on the dishes being done. I then realized I don’t have anxiety, so how could I have anxiety about the dishes? Finally, it dawned on me. I had “Good enough” syndrome, as I Iike to call it.
You see, in order for me to have felt like I was “good enough”, I had to do the dishes and all the other chores that I felt compelled to do. That’s what made me a workhorse. That’s what wore me out and left me unhappy.
Of course, it’s not all bad being a workhorse and wanting to excel. This trait allows me to run an entire company very well.
However, when I realized that I was doing too much in order to be “good enough”, I chose to see things differently. When I chose to see things differently, my world shifted.
I stopped setting the bar so high for myself. This reduced my stress. I realized I was “good enough” as I was. I didn’t have to do all the dishes or any other chore or task. My relationship with my husband improved, too. I now know that I’m “good enough” even if I want to sit on the couch all day long and do nothing.
When we allow ourselves to be “good enough”, we give ourselves permission to love ourselves as we are. We then love others as they are, too. This doesn’t mean setting the bar low. It means setting the bar at a realistic place to make room for us to be happy. As a result, our stress is lower. This allows for us to naturally excel without force or resistance. Resistance brings on brand dissonance. Brand dissonance leads to a low brand value for you.
What does this mean for you? Stop and think for yourself:
- Where do you set the bar too high for yourself?
- How does this incredibly high bar lead to stress in your life and a less-than optimal brand?
- What is one thing you can take action on to know that you are “good enough” and be happier and a better brand so others are attracted and engaged with you naturally?
I can’t tell you how often I used to think about fleeing the nest when I was a practicing lawyer. Especially towards the end of my career.
It’s not like I was suicidal (that’s a very serious topic that needs to get addressed immediately).
I just couldn’t do “it” anymore. I couldn’t draft one more document, I couldn’t listen to one more colleague complain or hear another superior of mine pretend to manage and lead us. It became maddening.
Towards the end, I had many days when I really had to drum up the motivation to not roll over and go back to bed. I knew I wasn’t officially depressed because I would lay in bed and dream of going to the gym all day, instead of to work –ahhh, how much more fun and productive that would be!!
Sound familiar? Maybe not to you. However, maybe your employees or colleagues are thinking so.
I can’t tell you how often we get calls from management letting us know that they fear employees will leave. While attrition is natural and necessary, if you start to see a pattern, you’ve got a problem. For example, is it mostly women that are leaving? Or is it mostly a particular department’s employees that are leaving?
No matter what the reason or where, one thing is for sure in my world: addressing attrition head-on is your only solution. How?
In my world, we do it by developing the brands for each individual employee- either in a group or one-on-one. Why?
As humans, we want to make a difference and drive the ball forward somehow in our lives. When we do, we roll up our sleeves and start contributing to the overall goal. This gives us energy and purpose to keep going. When we don’t know who we are or why we should show up at work, then the game is over. If I don’t think there is anything interesting about me, then why would I go to work each day?
Thinking back, that’s why I couldn’t get up each morning at the end of my legal career. I just didn’t know what purpose I served anymore as a lawyer. I was lost.
My solution is about facilitating the process so each employee has a brand: a) knows their values, b) how to bring their values to work, and c) how to sync up their values with their employer’s values. This is the start of the brand development process.
What does this mean for you? Stop and think for yourself:
- Why do you get up and go to work each day?
- What purpose do you serve at work?
- What are your values?
- Are your values synced up with that of your employer/company/business? If so, how? If not, why?
Just the other day I was forcing an issue with my husband. We were at a restaurant ordering lunch. Being a typical woman, I wanted him to “share” a burger and a salad with me instead of us both ordering a burger. It’s my attempt to be healthier and still eat what I love (a burger!). I kept suggesting it to my husband…. Over and over again. I wanted him to do what I wanted him to do. Free will was lost. So, he pushed back and we both got burgers.
Sound familiar? It should. Stuff like this happens so often.
What if I had just stopped and chosen to see the situation differently? Instead of “suggesting/forcing” my views on my husband, what if I had “allowed” the situation to be and allowed whatever was going to happen, to happen?
I guarantee you the end result would have been different.
Maybe we still would have ended up ordering burgers, but I wouldn’t have let myself down and expended so much negative energy pushing and shoving my will on my husband. I could have been happier in that moment.
Successful brands don’t force anything – on themselves or on others.
Anytime we force anything, we have active resistance around anything in our lives,. Then there is tension. Tension even shows up when we are “achieving” or “earning”.
Tension amps up our stress. Our stress amps up other peoples’ stress. Then people don’t want to be around us anymore, much less hire us, buy from us, promote us, date us. You name it. The game is over.
Instead, successful brands recognize that allowing life to happen sets everyone up for more success. Allowing life to happen, allows us to “be” with ease and grace. Ease and grace is the only way to let your brand shine and get us to stop, notice you and gravitate naturally to you.
What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:
- How often do you force your way and will in life? Next time, stop and have self-awareness: is it really working for you? Be honest with yourself.
- What if you stopped trying to “achieve” or “earn” and just “allowed”, instead?
- What would your life be like if you just “allowed” yourself and others to be? Where can you make subtle adjustments to allow more and force less?
Call or email me to discuss this strategy in your brand and life.
I love the Olympics. Summer, Winter, all of it. It doesn’t matter to me the sport or the level of competition. Thinking back, I’ve always loved the Olympics. Not only was it inspirational to me as a little girl to see the athletes, it was fun to get into the spirit of the celebration of working on a dream and setting out to achieve it.
Nowadays in my family, we still get excited to watch the Olympics. And there’s more of a reason to love the games.
My husband and I have both developed a theory around the Olympics: The Olympics are good for our individual brands AND for business brands. How? Why?
Consider that 78% of everything you and I buy is NOT based on the content, but on how the service provider or product makes us feel. The only emotion that matters, sells, influences, attracts and engages is happiness.
The Olympics are high-toned and happy. For the two weeks or so that the Olympics are on, the world is a happier place. As a result, people are more motivated- motivated to help one another, to cheer one another on, to take care of themselves and be happier.
As a dentist, each Olympic season my husband notes a noticeable difference in his patients’ tone and willingness to take care of their teeth and oral health.
People are better brands. They (consciously or subconsciously) want to be better and be a part of something greater than just themselves. The Olympics fosters teamwork and support, which then leads to better business brands.
How could you not watch the athletes, hear the stories of the years of sacrifice and training they have made and not want more for yourself, your family, your business and your colleagues/career?
Contrast this with politics and the 2016 Vote. Blech…
The Olympics have been such a nice respite from the mud-slinging, fake-ness and low-toned campaigns we have to endure. That’s all we hear about. As a former lobbyist in Washington DC, I didn’t like it then. As a branding expert, I really don’t like it now. Nothing about politics is high-toned, including the candidates’ brands.
What does this mean for you?
• If you have a business/are an entrepreneur, take notice of how your business does during the Olympics. You should show a sign of increasing profits and sales. This would be the optimal time to take the momentum generated by the Olympics and boost your employees’ morale and drive – this will impact retention and production.
• If you work for an organization, notice how the staff and your colleagues are performing. This would be the optimal time to take the momentum generated by the Olympics and create a brand culture based on values and what drives your team as people.
• Stop and notice your own brand. Do you and your brand sell happiness at some level by showing up as happy? You should be happier and more motivated to allow success in your life. Take this extra brand boost and run with it for these two weeks. Hopefully, it will become a habit for you beyond the Olympics.
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Call or email me to discuss how to harness your own brand and that of your teams’ brand to be optimal and happier and succeed more.