- Who & Why?
Category Archive for: ‘lonely’
This week let’s examine the fourth part of our four-part discussion on deliberate brand creation of ourselves. We’re going to wrap up this four-part series with really looking at building a brand that is true to ourselves. I’m continuing to put my own spin on Oprah’s October 2014, “What I Know For Sure” column in her O Magazine. I have a lot of appreciation and respect for Oprah’s presence.
As Oprah said in her column, she would want to come home during a party but would feel compelled to stay at the party because she thought she had to do so.
How often do we all compromise who we really are in order to fit in or fit into a stereotype we are living into? Most often if we stop and really evaluate the situation, we’d find that our assumptions are wrong. Heck, maybe no one wants to stay at a party but everyone feels compelled to do so! What a fun party that is. I don’t know about you, but I’d always rather be at a party of one (me!) than at a party where no one wants to be there.
I remember in high school how awkward I was and never felt I fit into the “scene”. I especially remember when I was invited to parties and felt compelled to show up. I would get there and have an awful time. Mostly I would look around at the other kids and wonder why they were drinking so much. Not that I was a saint, but I never did identify with the drinking. I was always waiting to go home from those parties. I rarely enjoyed myself. I wasn’t being true to myself.
Now, as an adult and business owner, I love getting out there at parties and meeting people. I have no problem walking into a room full of people I don’t know. What’s changed? I try to be true to myself nowadays.
However, after several unhappy social events, I’ve come to discover that I don’t need to be everywhere all the time. I have rules for myself about socializing. Basically, if I don’t feel like I want to be around people, then I don’t go. I make a conscious, self-aware choice to only show up and project a brand presence that works for me and for my audience. I share this information with my clientele, too. I do this to be true to who I am as a person and as a brand.
Not being true to who we are as individuals hurts in so many ways. Staying at that party too long not only wastes our time, but it hurts our brand. Anytime we don’t honor our desires, and ourselves, then we are devaluing our brand in other peoples’ eyes. Others cannot find our brand relevant and worthy of respect if we don’t respect our own brand. There is a certain level of power and ease and grace with being true to who we really are as people.
So ask yourself how often do you stay too long at that “party”? If so, why? How can you find ways to be true to yourself and your brand?
As the seasons continue to shift deliberately this October, we continue our Deliberate Brand Creation this week. As I said last week, I’m putting my own spin on Oprah’s October 2014, “What I Know For Sure” column in her O Magazine. As I’ve said in the past, I have a lot of appreciation and respect for Oprah’s presence in this world.
This week, let’s explore how being genuine or “real” about who you are is such a big part of your deliberate brand creation. I like to call it “owning” who you are.
I am not a fan of labeling people as introverts or extroverts. However, once I read Susan Cain’s book, “Quiet”, I became a fan of the concept of introverts and extroverts. Let’s explore these concepts with your brand.
As Oprah said in her October column, when she was younger she used to go to parties even when she didn’t want to be there because she didn’t want to miss anything. As I’ve often said, this desire to be at a party or to run home could be a function of who you are as an extrovert or introvert.
I suppose I am what you would call an extrovert. I get energy from those parties and enjoy being there meeting new people. I know it and can count on it most often.
As Cain explains, it is natural for extroverts to want to stay at the party and get energy from being there. However, the introvert would want to fly out of the party and head home to be alone.
Neither is right nor wrong. The point is you need to know what works for you. If you are an introvert and you force yourself to stay at that party, then there are issues to deal with as a result. Not only will you be miserable, but your personal brand will be poor, as well. If you ain’t happy, no one else will want to be around you at the party, either.
Why would you want to do that to yourself and others? I suppose it is because we compare. An introvert will look around at the party and see the extroverts having “fun”. The introvert will assume something is “wrong” with him/her because she is not having fun. In order to fit it, the introvert stays at the party- stays miserable.
As an extrovert, I can actually say I’ve walked in the introvert’s shoes at some parties. There have been plenty of times when I haven’t wanted to be somewhere but forced myself to go. Each time I did so, I paid the price: my confidence was low, my stress was high, I was bitter and angry at myself and thus, bitter and unfriendly to others at the party. It was awful and so was my brand. I suppose I assumed that just because I am an extrovert, I should WANT to be there. People expect it of me, right? Wrong! I wasn’t being real and “owning” myself in those moments.
So stop and ask yourself, how well do you “own” your tendencies as an extrovert or introvert? Once you can “own” it for what it is and who YOU are, then you are well on you way of creating a deliberate brand that is real, genuine and attracts people naturally to you.