- Who & Why?
Category Archive for: ‘Control’
In part I on this subject I discussed how to set intentions, instead of expectations, for ourselves so other colleagues and/or friends can’t disappoint us. In this way, our brand shines and we are happy.
I listed that expectations in my world involve: 1) a plan and 2) responsibility.
In this post, let’s take a deeper look at what it means to take responsibility for our expectations. I wanted to focus on responsibility because when I take a look around (and take a look deep inside), I find that responsibility is the one thing we, as humans, lack. I know I personally find it much easier to “pass” on things or “pass” things off or look the other way. Who doesn’t?
Here’s how “Responsibility” is defined in the dictionary:
“The state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone.”
So it seems that “responsibility” involves a duty or control. What so often happens is that we don’t want to add more duties to our long list of tasks. In a world where we are over-texted, over-tweeted and over-caffeinated, adding more duties to our list seems crazy…and very scary.
Then there’s control. I always work diligently to stop and examine my state of “overwhelm”. Overwhelm happens more frequently than I like, still. The good news is that I have self-awareness about it. So I can do something about it. This means I choose to stay responsible for my life and exercise self-control. The result is that I can stay in my personal power. This means my brand can shine instead of take a hit. Otherwise, I’d be seen (and go around like) as an out-of-control nutty person.
What’s the alternative? I don’t exercise responsibility and then others have to (notice I didn’t say, “choose to”) control me. Then I would blame others for being controlling, find more ways to shirk my responsibility and the nasty cycle continues.
If we don’t choose to take responsibility for ourselves, others will have to control us. You don’t have to believe me if that bothers you. Just go back and read the definition of “responsibility” above.
It may not happen all the time, but when I do stay in my personal power and exercise responsibility and thus, control, for myself- oh it feels so good. I produce so much good work. My clients love me even more. I love me more and my personal relationships thrive. That’s just divine.
What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:
- When was the last time you refused to be responsible for: a) yourself and/or b) a duty or task? How did it go for you? Did you feel in your personal power or not?
- The next time you aren’t being responsible in your life, what do others see of you and your brand? Is this view others have of you OK to you? If not, what can you choose to do about it to stay in your personal power, shine as a brand and be happier? I guarantee you, if you decide to choose to find the answer inside yourself, you’ll do so. You are the only one with the right AND the power to do so.
- The next time you blame someone for “being controlling”, how much of it was up to you? No one chooses to control us unless we allow them to do so. I promise.
Ah the holidays are here. That time of fun and frolic. And madness. You may be a rare bird like me who really enjoys the holidays. However, you may be like the majority of the population and have deep angst around the holidays. This isn’t a blog about therapy, so we won’t delve into what your issues may involve (ie, family). For that, I highly recommend we all regularly see a licensed and qualified counselor who can hear us out and offer support and guidance.
Whatever your angst around holiday time, one thing is for sure: if we can master our own internal control regulator, we will be a much happier and effective brand.
Looking back, as a kid growing up in Indiana, I guess I always loved the holidays. It was festive, fun, filled with sugary foods and lights. Plus, I just adored everything Santa related. I still recall my world crumbling when I found out the truth about Santa. But the holidays were, and still are, filled with one more thing: frantic, hurried rushing.
As a practicing attorney, I often felt at a loss around the holidays because of the time factor. Not only did the work load not get less, but the holiday festivities (aka “obligatons”) became more! How was my brand to survive November and December?!
Long ago, I took a hard look deep inside and realized it was all up to me. You see, it’s all about control. I realized that I was desperately trying to control my life and everyone else around me to survive. The end result got me the exact opposite of what I wanted: a crazy brand where others saw a lunatic AND I never enjoyed it.
One of my staff members said it just the other day- she’s overwhelmed with her volunteer obligations during the holidays. I asked her why she doesn’t ask for other volunteers to help her out. She flat out said it’s because she likes to be in control. Let’s give it up for her deep self-awareness and honesty. She gets a gold star in my world for sure.
The next step to help her brand out would be to do something about the need to control. It clearly didn’t leave her with a happy and effective brand. How?
Here are my top three tips for keeping your brand in tip top shape during the holidays:
- Lookie, Lookie– We can’t control anything except ourselves. So take a deep and honest look at what I call your internal control regulator. How much are you “in control” of your life? That of others? Is it really working for you and your brand or are you fooling yourself? How to know, you ask? Are you happy with yourself? If not, then it’s time to consider choosing to look at your life differently.
- Give It Up– You really can’t do it all by yourself. If you think you can, just know you won’t do it well by yourself. If you got some help, then perhaps things would get done better AND you would be happier with a better brand. More importantly, why do you think you can do it all better than others? What happened in your life that set your internal control regulator so high and led you to want to control everything external, too? If this question makes you squirm, that’s wonderful. Stay with it and squirm until you find an answer.
- Be Curious– If nothing I say even remotely makes you want to take a look inside yourself, why is that? Ignorant brands are failing brands. No question about it.