- Who & Why?
Category Archive for: ‘Behavior’
Just the other day I was forcing an issue with my husband. We were at a restaurant ordering lunch. Being a typical woman, I wanted him to “share” a burger and a salad with me instead of us both ordering a burger. It’s my attempt to be healthier and still eat what I love (a burger!). I kept suggesting it to my husband…. Over and over again. I wanted him to do what I wanted him to do. Free will was lost. So, he pushed back and we both got burgers.
Sound familiar? It should. Stuff like this happens so often.
What if I had just stopped and chosen to see the situation differently? Instead of “suggesting/forcing” my views on my husband, what if I had “allowed” the situation to be and allowed whatever was going to happen, to happen?
I guarantee you the end result would have been different.
Maybe we still would have ended up ordering burgers, but I wouldn’t have let myself down and expended so much negative energy pushing and shoving my will on my husband. I could have been happier in that moment.
Successful brands don’t force anything – on themselves or on others.
Anytime we force anything, we have active resistance around anything in our lives,. Then there is tension. Tension even shows up when we are “achieving” or “earning”.
Tension amps up our stress. Our stress amps up other peoples’ stress. Then people don’t want to be around us anymore, much less hire us, buy from us, promote us, date us. You name it. The game is over.
Instead, successful brands recognize that allowing life to happen sets everyone up for more success. Allowing life to happen, allows us to “be” with ease and grace. Ease and grace is the only way to let your brand shine and get us to stop, notice you and gravitate naturally to you.
What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:
- How often do you force your way and will in life? Next time, stop and have self-awareness: is it really working for you? Be honest with yourself.
- What if you stopped trying to “achieve” or “earn” and just “allowed”, instead?
- What would your life be like if you just “allowed” yourself and others to be? Where can you make subtle adjustments to allow more and force less?
Call or email me to discuss this strategy in your brand and life.
When I was a kid, I had a lot of drama. I mean I could have won an Oscar weekly for my brilliant portrayal of a small, cute, middle-eastern, toothless (yes, I lost my teeth early and didn’t get them until much later) girl, who had it going on!
As I grew up and evolved out of the practice of law, I realized the drama in my life had to go, too. After all, the drama wasn’t adding more to my brand. It was in fact, detracting from it. Letting go of my drama was not easy. I didn’t realize how much my drama was who I was “being” until I was letting it go. I tried to look at it like I was shedding a coat that no longer fit me. The trouble was, it didn’t feel like I was shedding a coat that I no longer wanted. It felt like I was being stripped of my identity and my comfort zone.
How did I do it? Well, like all things in brand development, it required self-awareness. I had to stop and really look at each moment in my life. I had to ask myself if I was being genuine and coming from the heart or had an ulterior motive that required me to force others to “look at me”.
What I was left with when I shed much of my drama (I am always working on being completely drama-free) was FREEDOM. I no longer felt the need to huff and puff so much at others and at my own life. This meant I didn’t blame others (to their face or under my breath) for my life and what was wrong with me. I wasn’t a victim anymore.
Not being a victim allows me to be pragmatic. Things that happen in my life don’t hurt so much anymore. When someone says something to me or does something “mean” to me, I’m ok with it. I check the drama at the door and look at the situation pragmatically. I say to myself, “Isn’t that interesting?” instead of “how dare you?” I’ve come to realize these types of situations aren’t really about me, but about the other person’s outlook on life and people.
Being pragmatic leaves me with a great brand: I’m more self-confident, happy and compassionate.
So what does this mean for you? Stop and ask yourself:
- How much drama do you choose to have in your life? Why?
- If you could change one view point you have on others, or on yourself, what would it be and how would it make your life more drama-free?
- Who is the most pragmatic person you know and what about them works for you? How can you do this for yourself?
- How would your brand change if you had less drama in your life and instead had a more pragmatic outlook?
So many of us expend tons of energy daily in an effort to build a successful business brand or be an effective employee in order to build a successful business brand. The end result is that we are putting our valuable energy toward an end result without a plan for how to get there. Even worse, we are often tired, angry and bitter- wondering why all our effort is not working and never stopping to take a breath.
In personal brand management, I’m always talking about creating an intentional brand. Your business brand success or your position as an employee starts with YOU and YOUR personal brand. Without having an idea of why you do what you do or what plan you have for how you want to be perceived, nothing else works. You cannot build a house without a foundation. Just the same, you need to first have a personal brand (along with your personal branding goals, etc) so that you have an intentional trajectory from which your business brand and your job success grows and builds.
In many ways, an intentional brand means you allow a recovery period so you can rest, rejuvenate and reflect. In this way, you are more creative and have time to just “be” still.
So stop and think about:
– WHY you get up each morning?
– What do you want others to perceive of you each day?
-Are you projecting out a brand that gets you seen and heard in a good way? If not, what can you change?
As business owners and employee, we try to do a little of everything as best we can. It is hard enough to run a business or be a good employee and get the substantive work done. Then there is the other type of work that has to do with networking and showing up and representing. This is where it gets harder and harder and harder, especially if you are fixated on the substantive work.
I often get feedback from clients and those in my networking/personal branding classes that they feel it is good enough to show up at a networking event. Why do they have to be happy about being there or resolve to do things differently while at the event. Or worse, there are those folks that have the following excuse about why they don’t show up in public and sell their personal brand- they often say that their work speaks for itself as a first impression and so no one needs to meet them or see them.
So my questions for you are:
Do you feel your work speaks for itself and sets a great first impression so you don’t have to show up in life? If you do show up at events, do you believe it is good enough that you are there and so you don’t put forth much effort?
If you answered “yes” to either question (be honest with yourself!), then you are missing out on developing an effective personal brand and missing out on life!
Folks, it is not good enough for you to assume your work speaks for itself. While you may produce superb work product and that is very important, you need to make sure we see there is a dynamic human being standing behind the work product. At some point, everyone produces work that is on par with one another. How do you stand out from the other “good work producers”? It is only from actually knowing you and your quirks and personality (ie, your personal brand) that anyone will remember you…and your work product.
Guess what? The only way to get to know you and your quirks and your personality is to get out in public and do it with a passion and purpose. So it is not good enough to just go to networking events- I need you to want to go to networking events and want to meet people and genuinely be interested in meeting people and sharing yourself, both personally and professionally, with people.
So be high-impact and genuine: don’t hide behind your work product, show up. Don’t just show up. Show up and be genuine in your interest in being there and connecting with others. It’s a fabulous personal brand builder. I promise.
Here’s your challenge for January 2012: Attend a networking event/meeting, etc that you normally would not attend because you “don’t have time” or it makes you uncomfortable to go. Go by yourself. Go with the intention of standing out, being interesting and being interested in others at the event. Email me and let me know how it went.
There has been much research and statistical evidence to support the premise that people have a tendency to fall in love in part because they are being admired by another human being. Everyone adores being adored and admired. If you don’t, then I say you are in denial or have forgotten how good it feels to be admired.
The same premise applies to people when you are selling them a service or product. The first rule of sales is to make a connection with your potential customer. This connection can happen in many ways- physical contact/touch, meaningful eye contact or verbal connection.
This coincides beautifully with my golden rule of behavior when it comes to personal branding- to have a good personality and be interesting.
In order to make that initial connection a strong one, I suggest you:
1) Be genuine, with a good personality and not appear fake and insincere. Nothing sends a person running away faster than sales people whose smiles are fake, talk non-stop and have absolutely no interest in anyone but themselves and their next sale. And,
2) Find something that you GENUINELY like about the other person and deliver a compliment to them as such. Please don’t make the compliment long and detailed- then it becomes fake. Here I get many people that say to me, “I just don’t like that person and can’t find anything that I genuinely like about them.”
To this I say two things:
First, you mean you can’t find ANYTHING you like about this person?!?! How about how nice and long their eyelashes are or how white their teeth are? Second, if you can’t find anything nice about them, then I can tell you with about 90% certainty that you will not have a successful interaction nor a sale with that person.
If you really can’t find anything you like about them, then for goodness sake DON’T give them a fake compliment! We can’t service everyone and we should choose to not service/sell to everyone. But we can be genuine and let your personal brand resonate with everyone.