- Who & Why?
Category Archive for: ‘Anger’
Let’s face it. We all have moments when we “hate” or “strongly dislike” someone or something. I suppose we can call it a natural human tendency.
Why does it really happen? I think it is because we tend to not like ourselves in those moments. Instead of hating/disliking ourselves though, we tend to project our hate/dislike on others. I call this mis-directed self-hate.
You know what I’m talking about. You have a bad day at work because you dropped the ball on a project and missed a deadline. Your boss called you on it. Now you are mad and hurt. You are really mad at yourself for missing the deadline. It’s way easier to blame your boss for being “mean” to you. How dare your boss call you on your mistake! That’s not nice. Besides, it really wasn’t your fault. One of your colleagues kept talking to you while you were trying to work. That’s why you missed the deadline. So it is your colleague’s fault and your boss’ fault. Not yours. That’s why you are mad at your boss and colleague.
Here’s what happens if we don’t catch ourselves though, and keep mis-directing our self-hate. It will come back to haunt us. How? We start to show up as “cranky” and mean a lot in our life. Pretty soon everyone is the victim of our mis-directed self-hate. People start running away from us at that point. That’s a bad brand for us.
I tend to believe this mis-directed self-hate is a habit, and way of thinking, that we choose. So we can always choose to see things differently, if we want it enough and have enough self-awareness to know when it is happening for us.
So what does this mean for you? Be brave and ask yourself:
- where in your life do you mis-direct your own self-hate/dislike towards others?
- How often does this happen?
- What’s the impact of this behavior on your brand? Do others like you for it? Be honest.
- How can you be more self-aware that it is happening and choose differently?
Just the other day I was forcing an issue with my husband. We were at a restaurant ordering lunch. Being a typical woman, I wanted him to “share” a burger and a salad with me instead of us both ordering a burger. It’s my attempt to be healthier and still eat what I love (a burger!). I kept suggesting it to my husband…. Over and over again. I wanted him to do what I wanted him to do. Free will was lost. So, he pushed back and we both got burgers.
Sound familiar? It should. Stuff like this happens so often.
What if I had just stopped and chosen to see the situation differently? Instead of “suggesting/forcing” my views on my husband, what if I had “allowed” the situation to be and allowed whatever was going to happen, to happen?
I guarantee you the end result would have been different.
Maybe we still would have ended up ordering burgers, but I wouldn’t have let myself down and expended so much negative energy pushing and shoving my will on my husband. I could have been happier in that moment.
Successful brands don’t force anything – on themselves or on others.
Anytime we force anything, we have active resistance around anything in our lives,. Then there is tension. Tension even shows up when we are “achieving” or “earning”.
Tension amps up our stress. Our stress amps up other peoples’ stress. Then people don’t want to be around us anymore, much less hire us, buy from us, promote us, date us. You name it. The game is over.
Instead, successful brands recognize that allowing life to happen sets everyone up for more success. Allowing life to happen, allows us to “be” with ease and grace. Ease and grace is the only way to let your brand shine and get us to stop, notice you and gravitate naturally to you.
What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:
- How often do you force your way and will in life? Next time, stop and have self-awareness: is it really working for you? Be honest with yourself.
- What if you stopped trying to “achieve” or “earn” and just “allowed”, instead?
- What would your life be like if you just “allowed” yourself and others to be? Where can you make subtle adjustments to allow more and force less?
Call or email me to discuss this strategy in your brand and life.
Ever stop to think about how much your thoughts shape your world? Most of us tend to never even stop and think about our thoughts. We are too busy doing our “thing” in life.
Consider the fact that on the Internet I read we have anywhere from 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day. How in control of your thoughts are you? Do you think it matters to the overall scheme of your life- to make money, get rich, retire wealthy and then finally “be happy”?
In this post, I ask you to consider that your thoughts impact your everyday behavior and interactions with others. As such, your thoughts impact your personal brand tremendously.
For instance, if you are running around like crazy because you have so much on your “to-do” list, the odds are you have random (and maybe not so random) thoughts flying through your head. If you never stop to assess the situation here’s what we likely see- a frantic, out of control, less-than credible person running around trying to get their life in control. On top of it all, odds are you are likely cranky or unhappy- with friends, family, colleagues, with yourself and with the world.
So try this challenge on for size: For an entire day try to be as aware as you can of every thought you have. Then quickly assess: if you met someone who didn’t know you, would they want to get to know you and then hire you based on your thoughts? Put yourself in our shoes and try to imagine what we all see when you are “thinking” and running around. Is it a personal brand you want to own?
For more on this topic, stay tuned for my interview with Byron Katie on June 19, 2014.
My husband is a dentist. So I get to listen to many conversations about “sensitivity” regarding teeth. The good news is that sensitivity of your teeth is often curable and does NOT impact your personal brand.
However, lately my company has been running into sensitivity that does impact people’s personal and business brands. The kind of sensitivity that I’m speaking of is where people are offended and bitter about the type of things that make the rest of their business colleagues stop and scratch their heads and wonder, “what is up with him/her?” This type of response can only be the start of a poor personal brand perception.
I’ve unfortunately got many examples, but one sticks out in my mind sadly. This example involved a colleague for whom I have much respect. This colleague is big on lunch networking. We had a lunch appointment set for me to meet him and a person he was going to introduce me to. About two weeks before the scheduled lunch, two of my client meetings shifted to where there was a time conflict. So at this point, I had to decide whether to meet with my clients or meet him for lunch. I emailed and called him and apologized, explained the situation and explained that I needed to change the lunch date. I also emphasized that none of this meant he/lunch was not important, but clients had to come first. Well, he took offense and said he felt second-best and refused to talk to me. I was shocked and spent time trying to fix the situation.
At some point I gave up and accepted his response. I respect his position and disagree with it. However, and more importantly, I wonder if he’s going around town with this heightened sensitivity. I also wonder how prospects and clients take to it.
Anytime you come across sensitive to the point where colleagues/prospects either: 1) walk on eggshells around you or 2) don’t want to do business with you, then you’ve set your personal brand perception, and thus your business/job prospects, up for failure. If people have to deal with you ignoring them or snubbing them,then they will likely avoid you and your business.
So next time a business colleague upsets you, please stop and think about whether you are acting in proportion to their “guilty” action. Stop and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe you wouldn’t respond the same, but is the situation worth possibly ruining your personal brand and jeopardizing your business brand/referral sources? Also, please don’t give some fake response to them pretending like you are “ok” with everything and then sulk quietly or worse, gossip about them.
My suggestion is to be honest and up front with them, forgive, forget and move on to more positive personal brand building possibilities for you and your business.
I was driving last week. I was creeping along slowly in a back-up situation where the traffic I was in was trying to merge onto a major highway. So all of us who wanted to merge were in the right lane, while traffic that was not merging was to our left going by us very quickly since they were not backed up. Now whenever I’m in a situation like that I do as I’ve been taught in driver’s education- I leave one car length between me and the car in front of me. I do this for safety reasons so if I had to break hard, I wouldn’t hit the car in front of me.
Unfortunately some lazy, crazy, impatient and hostile drivers see this one extra car length I’ve left in front of me as a sign to come from my left and merge quickly into that spot- instead of waiting their turn in line behind me. This happened twice as I waited in traffic to merge last week.
As I sat there, I started to think and form my impressions of these drivers. You’ve already read above how I labeled them as lazy, crazy, impatient and hostile. It got worse the longer I sat there. Then I started to think- what if I actually knew these drivers personally? How bad would they look in my eyes if we ended up driving to the same meeting and got out of our cars at the same time?
What does this mean for you? Well, first of all drive like everyone knows you. Would you want someone you know to see you cutting off others? Second, anything you do please do with the understanding that others could see you and judge you. It’s not just your driving. Act as if the whole world knows you- it will bring integrity and honesty into all your daily actions and that is a fabulous place to build a quality personal brand.