- Who & Why?
Category Archive for: ‘Aggression’
I went to my 6am spin class this morning. I do my best to show up every Monday. We have two fans in the spin room- one in front and one in back. Many people love working out with the fan right on them to cool them down. Many of us (me included) don’t like the cold wind/breeze on us. It dries out my eyes and I can’t catch my breath as I ride.
So many instructors have a rule: if you want the fan on you, then go sit in the back part of the room because the fan in the front of the room does not get turned on. Those of us who don’t want the fan on us, sit up front.
Today there was a new person in class. He sat right next to me up front. Ten minutes into class, he got up and turned on…the front fan! You got it, that’s a no-no.
However, this particular instructor does NOT have a “fan rule” for her class. Every once in a while an argument flares up- like this morning- over whether the fan should be on or not. If she just had a fan rule, then the students wouldn’t have to be making one up for her. It’s not our job, or our right, to do so.
What does all this have to do with your impact at work and in your entire life?
Courageous brands win. Having courage means being able to increase your level of “confront” and set rules and boundaries. Having courage means looking me in the eye with kindness and a sheer sense of calm and peace and stating your opinion and needs and….fan rules.
In so many corporations when this level of courageous confront does NOT happen, what happens is chaos.
I’ve seen so many managers not be able to set boundaries or rules. Nor do they enforce them. It’s natural for us to all want to be loved and accepted. The problem is the result is often not love. When we don’t increase our confront, it leads to confusion and poor communication in the workplace. The result is low productivity and low revenues.
Believe it or not, people like rules. We just don’t like it when the rules are shoved down our throat. So courageous brands also communicate in a 1) kind and 1) direct manner. Communicating without kindness, and just being direct, is being brash. No one loves a brash brand.
So stop and ask yourself:
- How do you communicate at work? Is it kind and direct?
- How do you work to ensure your level of confront is high enough so that you have quality boundaries such that you are allowing you and your colleagues to be productive, happy and in excellent communication at work?
When I was a practicing securities lawyer, I had a very particular notion of what it meant for me to be a success. Being successful for me meant to either be a high-salaried employee, meet and exceed my billables each month and/or get promoted or find a new and better job within my industry. That’s it, I’m sorry to say.
As I always say, branding is a marathon with many iterations. We are never broken or “need” anything. We choose to see things differently and then grow and change. Dynamic brands that are open to change succeed.
Looking back on my previous career and life, I feel sorry for that iteration of me. I truly was “Version 1.0” of my brand. I wasn’t really open to change because I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
Until one day I wasn’t happy anymore as a securities lawyer.
That was the day I opened my eyes and was ready for change and growth. That was the day I decided to be truly successful. Was it easy? No. Change is never easy. Was it worth the ride? Heck yes!
As I look at the definition of “success” as a brand and as a person, I’m reminded of something I heard at Sunday service once at the Unity Center here in San Diego. “Success” is defined as a) continued happiness and b) reaching for worthy goals. In looking at what are your worthy goals, we were told to look for i) what are your longings in life? and ii) where do you come alive in your life? This really struck me as a healthy view of success.
Looking at it from a client-facing perspective, if you believe my premise that a great client experience is based on each and every employee having a great brand (having their values in hand, having empathy, knowing who they are), then a successful and happy employee MUST lead to a great client experience and higher revenues for any organization.
In life and at work, we put up such resistance. We fight the norm, we fight the establishment, we fight our boss, we fight our colleagues and we end up fighting ourselves. The result? Unhappiness.
All of this leads to so much friction and negative effort. We exhaust ourselves and leave others looking away from us. Our brand is spoiled.
At that Sunday service, I was reminded that the word, “Affluence” comes from the derivative, “to flow with”. So what if you let it all flow naturally? I guarantee you that you would be happier and more successful.
What does this mean for you?
Stop and consider:
- Are you happy? If you hate my question, there’s something really great for you in this query. Stay strong and be brave enough to look at it.
- Are you reaching for worthy goals? Stop and question your goals. Looking back, my billables were NOT my worthy goals in life.
- What are you longing for in your life?
- Where in your life experiences do you find you really come alive? Why?
- How are you nurturing happiness within your employee pools’ brands?
- Where can you give up resistance in your life and go with the flow towards affluence?
If this article resonated with you, please pass it on. I’d love your feedback.
I have a person very close to me who likes to throw money at situations and people. Let’s name them “Pat”. Over time I’ve noticed money gets thrown around when Pat is trying to: 1) avoid a negative/painful situation (“I’ll buy the birthday gift, you go hang out with the birthday gal because I don’t want to see her”) or 2) be more loved (“I’ll buy lunch to apologize for making you come meet me where I want to each lunch”).
So in the famous words of the Beatles, if love is all we need and if money is the root of all evil, then what gives with Pat?
While we all tend to stretch for relief and love in our lives by “solving” things with money, what does it really do to your brand?
First, you must have self-awareness to look at the situation in the first place. If you can’t step back and observe yourself throwing money at others, then you can’t start to see anything differently.
Throwing money at people and situations in order to get yourself in a better position and your brand better loved does NOT work. Why?
Even if people end up taking your money, we can all sense your desperation in doing so. It devalues your brand instead. No one wants to support, much less be around, desperate people. Think about it: when was the last time you bought any product because you pitied the company? Never, I suspect.
Need more examples? Look at Uber. Uber and Lyft spent over $8 million in a very few short months in Austin. They were trying to get voters to shoot down Austin’s proposed fingerprinting rules for drivers. Uber bombarded voters with phone, text, emails and calls. Some voters were truly scared and creeped out by the level of intrusion.
In the end, Uber and Lyft lost the fight. And they lost $8 million. That’s what happens when you throw money at it. No one was more sad over this result than me. I used to Uber/Lyft all around Austin on my monthly trips. Now I’m stuck with yucky cabs or the kindness of colleagues and friends.
What about Uber and Lyft’s brand?
Some would say the companies are so big, it really doesn’t impact their brands. Ok, so maybe there’s no fiscal impact. However, in the court of public opinion it’s different. In the informal interviews I’ve done with locals in Austin, there’s very little love for Uber or Lyft. When you mention either brand name, most people I’ve talked to shrug, squint and reply rather nonchalantly. That’s what you get when you have enough money to throw at people in order to get your way.
So let’s summarize what we learned in first grade: Money does not get you your way. If you do get your way, you have no respect with it. Your brand stinks.
What does this mean for you? Stop and consider:
- When have you strong-armed others with money to get your way?
- Did it work? Why did you really throw money at it?
- How can you stop and have self-awareness of when you are throwing money at something?
When I was in practice as a securities lawyer, I used to think I had to be tough. Many days I also thought that the only way to compete with the male securities lawyers, I had to be mean. It all felt so wrong, yet it was all I knew. That was until the day when I couldn’t do it anymore. To be honest, I’m not sure I ever did ‘tough and mean’ very well. But who really does?
Yet I find so many of us still hang our professional hat on the notion of competition that includes being tough and mean. I’ve had several people (we’ll leave gender out of this for now) say that I’m just “too nice”. Really? Is that supposed to be a negative comment? If it is, then how do you explain why my business is doing so well?
While my response is not, “kill them with kindness” or “you wouldn’t know nice if it hit you in the head”, I do stop and think about what society, in particular professionals, consider an effective brand. Why is it that kindness doesn’t seem to be an option? Was it ever an option?
Here’s the deal, just because I’m kind doesn’t mean I’m a pushover. I think this is where the confusion happens. We automatically assume that if we are kind in business, then someone is going to run right over us and then we lose. Really?
On a recent trip through an airport, a billboard sign from Southwest Airlines caught my eye. It said, “Stand out by standing your ground”. To me that means, have an effective brand by holding firm to who you are and your values.
What does it mean to hold your ground? Since so many of us have boundary issues, I suppose most of us think it means we have to be tough and mean and ready to rumble.
It doesn’t mean that at all in my world. In my world standing my ground as an effective brand means being kind, yet firm. “No” means “no”. No explanation needed. Yet there’s no hostility and no grudges. Kindness can exist just the same by respecting the other party.
So what does this mean for you? Stop and think:
- Do you think you are too kind? If so, why?
- Do you maintain healthy boundaries with others?
- Or do you overcompensate by coming across as a rough and tough brand. Is it really working for you or could you be more effective as a brand by being more kind?